I once believed I couldn’t become anything in life or accomplish my dreams due to the 4 years of torment from my schizophrenia. I’ve been homeless, neglected and abandoned and left with flip flops to travel in my sorrows during the coldest of Canadian winters.
Now that I’m at peace with my mental illness and have a loving partner who I confide in, I want more for myself. I refuse to let my mental illness have any sort of decision on my future. I’ve overcome and have come from a long journey of heart ache, pain and trials.
At one point before the mental illness kicked in I was 100% for God. I would go to churches, I would hold online sermons to a congregation of 500 people. I was out there. Now I’m not saying my faith is gone, but I’m not that person anymore who expects God to do everything for him. I truly believe in the scripture that says faith without deeds is dead. I have to make my faith known to God (even though he knows it already, yes I’m aware of the paradoxical confusion). I have to show God that this is what I believe He is calling me towards and fight hard for it.
I just hope that when I do make it, that I either remain the same or become a better person. I don’t want to change for the worst or break bridges with people I respect.
I guess thats all I have to rant for today, thanks for reading.