When you find something you are passionate about all it takes is a hunger for success to propel you into the direction of goals and achievements. But if you fail within that passion, your hunger just might go away.
I remember when I was first hungry to become a game designer. I enrolled in college for game design and studied with the best of them. I was noted as the best artist in the class and had innovative ideas for class projects and corporate assignments. One of my teachers however decided not to send me my homework via email and though I tried to sit with the dean about it all else was lost. I didn’t lose my hunger when I flunked out of school. I remembered that many successful people were college drop outs and acquired their success through sheer hard work and determination. So I picked up with what I had learned and began my own gaming project. I put together a team over the internet and with a $0 budget. I was the lead developer to a group of quality assurance testers (beta testers), Sound engineers, Optimizers, rock bands and solo artists and sketch artists. The game was put on Russian, American, Chinese, Japanese and Brazilian servers. Composed of 9 maps (or 9 levels) it took 1 year and 8 months to build. As part of my plan I was going to develop an animation which meant hiring voice actors and animators via internet on a $0 budget. I got the voice actors and even convinced a guy from Disney Pixar to be my animator. We all chatted through Skype, shared our ideas and made improvements on the script. Then the worst happened.. we got hacked! All of our ideas, projects, tools we used to develop those ideas were erased, even my internet was acting funky. I lost my hunger as I began to feel failure.
But as you know the phrase, “Never give up” was spoken by many. I decided after a few months of depression that I would get back on the horse. During that time of not knowing what to do I fell in and out of the hospital. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. When I was finally of sane mind and healthy thoughts I decided I would write a movie based upon my experiences. The movie was about angels, demons and aliens. It was a project built on the premise of putting believers and non-believers on a carefully respected platform. Based upon actual events and characters and fiction, the story was about a young boy named Shaun who was an angel and could open the doors between heaven and hell. The anti-christ banded with aliens and pretended to be the Christ all while trying to find this boy who was secretly being protected. I managed to hire a storyboard artist and some voice actors to get the script done and even began to think of part 2 and part 3 involving deeper aspects of angels. I luckily hooked up with a movie studio out in Pittsburgh who wanted to turn my movie idea into a television series on the SyFy network. Needless to say once they hit me with, “Please pay $8,000 so we can pitch your movie idea to a few studios” I again felt that failure. I didn’t have that kind of money. I uploaded it on youtube in 6 parts, here is the first part the rest is on youtube.
Now a days when I try to get back into game design or movie script writing (I still have part 2 and 3 to finish) I have no hunger. I have a desire for success but I don’t have the passion anymore. I’ve heard all the pick me ups and keep going’s – heck I even said a couple of them to others myself. There’s nothing that could be said to me at this point. I need hard evidence and actual proof of why I shouldn’t give up. I’ve reached that point in my life where I can no longer feel that hunger in my projects. When your hunger goes.. it’s not that you don’t care about your future or state of well being.. it’s that you don’t agree with anything you begin to put out. You start to second guess, question and become frustrated with it. That’s where I am right now and I hope by your reading this you can avoid this place too.