Feathers Romantic

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During the discourse of my tumultuous thought process I happened across the subject of romance and how I, being the character and personality of abstract reasoning, would present myself towards it in writing. Tally Ho my fellow rider..I mean writer..and away!

After spending 7 hrs in the kitchen I finally produced the perfectly tasting strawberry pancake that I were to present to my beloved. She was asleep still and I had made it my goal not to wake her, yet I could not help but step closer to her blissfully beautiful stasis. And as I watched the sun beat upon her caring features she began to wake..stretching her elegant arms into the unworthy air. She opened her eyes and, “Oh my God!” Yes I thought to myself in her adorable surprise, “Just who the hell are you? How did you get into my house?”. I chuckled at my darlings playful manner and offered her the pancakes. Had I known that she did not like strawberries they may not have been kicked to the other side of the room…my mistake. “I’m calling the cops!” I began to notice that she was afraid of something, perhaps a bad dream. “Is something wrong my love?” She was frantically searching for the phone and told me not to move.. Something about being efficient in Kung Fu and kicking the balls off an elephant followed..she can be so random it’s almost funny.

I sighed and cleaned the area as to which the mess were made and saw her rushing out of the door. I followed in a hurry thinking perhaps she just needed fresh air. She started to cry for help in the street and thus I joined her, “Please help us, Please!”. She stopped and looked at me funny. “What?” I said. “Just what the hell are you doing?” She replied. “I was trying to find us some help”. She waved her hands for a taxi but none stopped and at my aggravation I insisted that she allowed me. Before she could say anything I jumped into the way of the next approaching cab, hitting the hood, windshield, tumbling off the back and saw Jesus… not necessarily in that accurate order. “Oh my God!” she said whilst running to my side. The cab driver got out but I quickly sent him back to the wheel. “Lets go then”. We got into the cab and she said “To the hospital!”. As we drove she kept looking at the bone peering from my leg. I wondered if she’d ask me if it hurt anytime soon but she did not. Instead, her mouth gaped open and her eyes were wide with unquestionable beauty. I smiled.

As we drove to the hospital I could not help but notice her beautiful gaping mouth and preciously wide eyed expression at my knee. I was waiting the entire ride for her to ask if I were alright but she just sat there as is.. I think she was falling in love. They wheeled me into emergency and she stayed at my side whilst I sang to her and made promises I intended to keep.

Night drew and a knock on my hospital door awoke me from this dazzling drug that had me slightly disorientated. “whook dere?” I said charmingly. “Why were you in my apartment?” “Becuj I lav yew”. She said a very confusing thing afterward, “You don’t even know me”. A tear began to drop down my eye. I turned over and stared out the window wishing it would snow or even rain to sympathize the mood.. stupid stars and moon twinkling without care to my emotions. I felt the bed move and her voice tainted my sorrow, “Look idiot. If you want to express yourself to somebody you don’t break into their house.. cook them a delicious breakfast.. clean up their mess.. get hit by a car just so they can get a ride and you especially don’t tell them you love them!”

I turned slowly.. next to the sounds of the medical ventilation system and my breathing support apparatus we stared into one an others eyes soundly. “Then whuk shood I av done?”. She drew back surprised, “You..you should have said hi..sent an email..left a gift on the doorstep I don’t know you moron!”

It grew quiet as I lay there watching her cross armed and sitting at my bed.. I fell asleep. When I had awoken she was still there..not quite on the bed but sleeping in a chair next to the window with a jacket in her arm. I managed to pull myself up and say, “Good morning”. She awoke slowly..looking at me with caution and careful eyes. “Hi” I said. “My names Inked Pen”. She let out a slight chuckle as she lowered her head and shook it. “Hi, Inked Pen. Nice to meet you, my name is Feather”.

Selling Out

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..and then he said “Stereotypes are just stereotypes. Only God can judge me”. I pondered for a moment but not on what he said. I pondered whether this psycho-talking-out-of the-neck man could truly be as simple minded as he proposes.. have at you then! “My dear dear man of open-minded ignorance sake” I began, “however do you suggest that your choices reflect God’s imperialistic judgment within your favor?” He looked at me awkwardly.. his fro bouncing from left to right as he observed my anatomy with an occasional “yo man” to support his curious pleasure. “Yo man, what gives? You look like a brotha but you don’t talk like one”. “Yes yes.. power to the people and all sorts of other racially charged chants..and free candy and what not” I said. How could I possibly take that “we are a people” talk seriously from an individual despondent of his own origins and factually representing the ignorance plaguing our kind. “Look man” he so bravely started again, “God is the only man who can judge me. I ain’t no damn stereotype. I do what I does to do what I do for what I does when doing the do”. I think I reminisced that wrong…. whoop-te-doo, “and you ain’t no different from me. We all make mistakes and the MAN ain’t gonna help us no matter how you wanna talk”. I think this is where he sought to accuse me of being a “sucka”.

I let out a sigh and walked towards this lost creature with caring eyes and welcoming compassion. As I neared close enough to the individual whom I pitied.. I punched him dead on in the pupil and received an awarding scream of sincere pain. “Now look you imbecile! The world is laughing at your philosophy regarding the I gotta rob to eat so I can make it day by day quorum. Dare you call me a sellout for neither seeking or attending to the nonsense is fine by me but I shall not have you delay the truth in what you falsely believe” I saw that he was indeed severely injured.. I sympathized and kicked him in the leg. “If you think that saying only God can judge me can deter the direction of God’s honest judgment you’re more of a fool than you begotten!” The man began to listen, “You crazy man.. keep your hands off me!”. I casually kicked him again and as he fell I crouched over, “You see my fine fellow. If you truly were keen to God’s judgment you wouldn’t dare suggest that your manipulative thought process could persuade the reality of your sins as good deeds. Yes yes booty shaking women, alcoholic beverages, selling drugs and shooting guns are all fundamentally required in being an idiot but sadly they are not what will grant you entrance into his kingdom. It’s high time that you picked up a book and read without paradoxical interests set on supporting your self-taught mannerisms- but read your bible on a more proficient level. Some would call it learning.”

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, like a child who lost his puppies. Slow music began in my mind like the ones of those in romance music with elongated belts of “I loooooooooooooove yooooou”. I punched him for making me think such a thought…bastard. After he recovered he said, “Yo man..why do you act like you don’t sin? Doesn’t it say we all do sin?”. Ah, finally..an inquiry with intelligible reasoning. “Yes yes it does say that my dear fellow. Perhaps it is easier for me to express a loyalty that I have. You see, as it may occur that since we all sin and if my sins do bring me to rejection I am willing to say that I shall carry him in my heart though he no longer carries me. Are you willing to say the same if the time came? Or is it that you are already living in preparation for such an occurrence?”. He thought, he wondered and then asked what could he do to change the cycle of his actions.. I retorted, “anything but selling yourself out to the whims of failure”.

Get Over “it”

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As the restraining jacket is fit in,

“Plenty of momentary idealistic notions of self perpetuated glory and trend-able selfless deeds. We imagine ourselves within a society of influences to sustain a commanding uniqueness not bonded within everyday spectaculars. That our independence ascribes us to circumvent questionable opinions as facts and pontifical beliefs as fictional theories. We are of course above the grounds of judgment by any other known species in kind or of intellectual capacity to adhere into any preconceived objection regarding our ignorant sustainability. Yes, indeed, we manage ourselves to become more than what we’ve assumed in reality. Our contradiction is simply focusing in on the need to change for the better……just to fit in without fitting in to an others fit in….. as it is unlikely that you nor I shall see another individual purposely wearing 70′s garments in today’s era out of their own blissful guise in considerations towards a unique comprehension of style and expression. We would rather observe that individuals unusual revisiting as a perspective view towards a laden era where many thought that they too were differentiating themselves from their falsely esteemed predecessors. We are but instruments on hopeful modern, however thoughtfully intended, futuristic days of ironic escapades influentially indoctrinated by historically repetitious and inconclusive destinies.”

As he is led down a reflective hallway concordant with dirty windows,

“How often than not shall we contend with others within the facet of originality? How we portray hypocrisy in the astounding efforts to not conceal personal identity within public representations acceptance! We are not lacking logic in these mannerisms that of which we yearn for, No! We are simply enjoying the contradictions as they come along and calling anything that defies our demonstrative knowledge as pseudo-truth to an others contradiction inadvertently placing their foul differences within endearing terms of likely delusion and illusive thinking as an effectual truth to our existence and societal priorities! We intertwine our inner most beliefs as facts and engage upon society against an others attempt to break away because indeed, the shattering of our close-minded world is an expensive window to fix. The cost is greater than one would dare to imagine.”

As he is given psychotropic treatment, “Such strength and gander! The confidence in my language, the twisting of words and blending of paradoxes like a drunkard enjoying the hundredth glass of his favorite whiskey despite the numbness to its taste. Yes, I have become him and I’ve also just won the lottery to top it off. Where one could be pleased with a cherry on top, I’m most certainly pleased to announce that my cherry is too large and fruitful for the cake of your choosing..you can have my slice as I’ve the topping that many accredit it’s worth in having at the end of a meager prize! An astoundingly glorious eventuality now within my awkwardly despised possession.”

As treatment begins to occur,

“Awkward isn’t it? That in my methodical twisting of morbid philosophy, and circumstantial conjecture, that I am not one to isolate my self but have begun to separate myself from isolation? The degree in which one moment of seemingly fair solitude can indecisively become my cheating sanctuary!”

As he is led to his padded room,

“Am I crazy to disprove that crazy exists? Or is it crazy to refuse an others acceptance into the belief of what is deemed crazy? A clock is ticking and I can barely bring myself to an interest in seeing the time as it has been mocks residual observation. Much of that explains the hypocrisy in my journey with words and mind. That in the end of all ego and narcissism.. to let it all become freedom and to imprison the inventions of prison in an imprisoned mind bound to assessments dictating your sensibilities in freedom! To tell the young boy whom is bullied that they tease you in an effort to receive your respect towards them in their minuscule strength.”

As the padded room door is closed,

“I can be such a kid they would say.. these are thoughts of a kid! But as I would tell any other the resolve of such a term is indication to their feelings revealed subconscious under a blinding awareness to my underlying innocence! You see… my dear..the art in captivating an audience with common sense reversible to senseless drivel is not to have their mind thinking “What is this?” but to have their heart given the opportunity to get over it as no logic is without emotion!”

As the doctor finds it difficult to leave,

“And what you might ask…is “it”? Is “it” something of the self that they can not see? Is it something in this world that represents who we are? Or.. is it something personified in the art of telling theatrical lies for the sole purposes in allowing one of remarkable independence to think..grow and prosper in a newly defined protective sanity………….or is “it?”

As the keys are slipped under the door he smiles,

“inconsequentially marvelous……..indeed.”

Who Sent You?

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Well if I were expecting company I’d have cleaned the carpet, set the table and replaced the shoddy dishes with the expensive flashy kind…maybe. What brings you to my company anyway? I know it can’t be my writing.. you have yet to see it.. or have you? (I’m so confused) Or are you? Or were you….never mind. I can’t remember silly details like that anyway when it comes to involving parenthetical disputes. Yes, yes I’ve peaked your interests… You’ve yet to steal a slice of my delicious pie and tell me good day thus far. I think it’ll work out you and I.. this..” relationship” we’re building. God.. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. Me writing.. you reading …and then vice versa and versa vice versa…how do they say it.. epic? We have so much inter-relativity in common you and I.. Lets not put it to waste with such time consuming nonsensically intriguing dichotomy.

My Darling Intro

Dear Introduction,

How excited I am to sooner be in your arms and enjoying the thrills of a promising journey. I sit and write to you my dear introduction with pride and lack of prejudice. For in your absence I am become filled with greater love and appreciation in your existence! Oh my sweet introduction, how I do cherish your honest invitations to the numerously curious individuals that have wondered about our majestic relationship. But the secret is ours and they shalt not have you like I do! No.. this relationship between writer and intro is unique and unheard of, but oh how I remain to adore thee beyond the whims of imagination. I must go now dear intro.. until the most anticipated moment of our reuniting.. I shall keep you in heart.

Life pt.1

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Her cries could be heard at 3 AM
“Uncle, Uncle, Uncle”
She was just in the other room
I awoke to the crying, not knowing what the problem was
My niece was sitting on her mothers bed
Tears in her eyes
With her mothers back turned to her as she huddled closer to the other twin
Favortism.
I went over to the child crying
Her diapers were soaking
Her arms stretched out for me to lift her
To care for her
She needed me.
I took her to my room
And as I changed her diaper I noticed a rash
I did my best to clean her and tend to the rash
I let her lay on my bed to sleep
But she was demanding to sleep on my chest
She wanted to be close to her Uncle.
At 3:45 AM her mother comes banging on my door
“Give her back!” she yells
I open the door
I tell her no, you’re not looking after her
You’re ignoring her and she needed someone to care for her
Go back to your own room, she’s staying with me.
The next day I throw out most of my clothing
I’m starting a new chapter
All things gang related were thrown out
I was left with jeans and a dress shirt
I move my nieces bed into my room
I begin bible studies in my spare time
Eventually I had a congregation of 500 people
Theologists, specialists, novelists
You name it
In the mornings I would go over the alphabet and numbers
The ones that I wrote on paper and taped to my wall
Then we would go on youtube
Pausing on sight words so they could learn how to read
And recognize words most commonly used in books
We would walk to school holding hands
Pointing at signs and spelling them out
Their teachers thanked God I stepped into their lives
After school we would go to the park
then I’d take them home to make a snack and wash up.
We would sit on the couch watching sailormoon
sometimes until the evening came
Then I’d have to make dinner for them
Any money I received went towards them and their well being
Then one night as I was doing my bible study
I heard the chilling words whisper into my life
“Wiggle, Look up, Swallow, Blink”
Whenever I heard wiggle, my foot would wiggle
Whenever I heard look up I would stretch or literally look up
Then came the scenerio
A hostage situation
People were in the attic
People were shouting through my PC
“We’re going to kill you all” they said
The cocking of shotguns
The stomping of feet
I couldn’t move
I couldn’t shout
And everything everyone else did seem to resonate with what was going on in my mind
Then the family left
It was just me and my nieces and brother
I had enough of the tauntings
I picked myself up and walked to the attic
I stuck out my hand and said, “take me, I’m here!”
Nothing happened.
I went up to the attic
And found no one.
But as soon as I left the attic the taunting continued
I did what I thought was right
I called the police
Said we were being held against our own will
Police cars surrounded the house
I left carrying the twins
My brother left not knowing what was going on
They searched the home
And I was arrested
As they put the cuffs on me, my niece began to scream and cry
She didnt understand.. and to be honest niether did I
Taken to the hospital
But the radio they had, still had voices coming forth at me
They put me in the hospital
And it didn’t get any better
I would see images of angels fighting demons on the wall
Hands coming from the ground grabbing at my feet
More scenerios involving aliens and demons
Wanting to whisk me away
But eventually the medicine they gave took care of the voices
I was free for a moment
For 4 years I sacrificed having nothing
In order to take care of my nieces
I spent nothing on myself
Only the dress shirt and jeans
After 5 weeks in the hospital they said I was ready to go home
I call home
And was told, “You can’t come back”
It stung.
I was now homeless, broke and without clothes
Who knew that I had schizophrenia?
I went to a half way house
14 days to secure a place and get social assistance
I managed to do just that
During the winter I had no shoes
I was in flip flops
I would go to my appointments in the snow
And people would stare
I managed to get a place and be put on assistance
After a few weeks I got a job
The job started to ask me to do over time
Then I would do triple time
One day after doing a triple I put my head to rest
A dead body shown itself
Not again.
I went to listen to some Gospel music
but the voices amplified
I was renting a room at the time
Someone had my brother in the basement
Crying for me
with a gun pointed to his head
I told myself its not real
This is not real
Until
“bang”
I drop to my knees
Crying and panicking
myeyes turned blood shot red
I had to escape this nightmare
I left
The voices followed
I was on a street corner
A lady saw me in tears
She called the police
They picked me up
Saw my record of having schizophrenia
Brought me back to the hospital
to be continued.

Money or Love?

What you would do for money and what you would do for love have entirely different drives.

I died

It was a long day for him.
I was arrested in the afternoon.
Now he sits in a hospital waiting room.
Handcuffed between two officers.
And tormented by voices and images beyond anyones comprehension.
They simply called him crazy.
My head dodged and ducked.
Fists from the demon world trying to harm him.
An officer simply “hmph’s” the deed.
The nurse comes in.
“His room is ready, the cuffs wont be necessary.”
“I haven’t eaten in 14 days” I tell myself.
“I haven’t slept in 3 days” I tell myself.
“What do these voices want?” I ask myself.
I’m guided to my room.
It’s night time.
Curfew is in 1 hour.
He walks the halls.
Demons plague the walls, staring, judging, mocking.
He does his best to ignore.
Time for bed.
I walked non-stop for the hr.
I lay in bed.
It’s not that I refuse to sleep.
I simply can’t.
The nurse provides a sleeping pill.
I knock out.
I’m sleeping.
Rest.
Suddenly awoken by a heavy weight at the end of the bed.
A lion.
With horns on its head.
Simply sitting there.
I’m scared and shift upright.
The lion mimicks the noise of the shifting.
I gasp.
The lion mimicks the noise of the gasp.
“What do you want from me!?” I yell.
A nurse simply walks by.
“What do you want from me!?” the lion mimicks in perfect pitch.
“Who are you?” I ask.
“Who are you?” it mocks.
I don’t know what to feel.
Anger? Fear? Both?
I’m confused and coming to understand.
This is no ordinary vision.
I calm down.
I Stare the lion with horns in the eyes and ask..
“What do you want from me?”
“I want to see you dead” it replies
“You have something special.. or so God says, I want it. You will be mine.” it continues.
“why do you mock me?” I ask.
It laughs.
And laughs.
I look to the outside ward.
No one hears this laughter?
It stops laughing.
“So every demon will know your sound, your voice, your shift, your sweat and blood. They will know your confidence, your fear, your anger and sorrow. And once they’ve known this no matter where you are on earth, in heaven or hell.. they will find you and tear you apart” it says.
My heart beats faster.
The lion mimicks.
“But how?” I wonder to myself.
“But how” it mimicks.
It can hear my thoughts too?
I throw the blankets over my head.
I sit there, shaking.. sweating.. fear has overcome me.
The lion laughs.
The nurses begin to question for a moment, then leave me alone.
“Now I have you” it says.
In my mind.
I am circled.
By bodies hanging on a noose.
Knives are in their hands.
The Lion says, “If you want to be free.. all you have to do is cut him”
The bodies are fighting for air.
They can no longer take it.
“I will inch you closer if necessary” it says.
The bodies in their nooses inch closer.
Swinging sporadically.
Attempting to cut, no.. attempting to kill.
They want free!
Then I realize whats going on.
They can’t see me.
But somehow under these sheets I can see them.
It’s my family.
The blades are inches away from my flesh under the sheets.
They stop swinging.
“We’ll play a game” it says.
“Now that you know the people behind the knives.. for every breath you take, they will inch closer. These are deadly blades.. one cut and you die. But do remember.. this is your family.. the longer you hold your breath.. the quicker they die.”
Out of fear I hold my breath..I hold it because I don’t want to die.
Then memories.
Memories.
Growing up.
Arguments and making up.
Being there for each other.
Tears begin to stream.
I become angry.
THIS IS MY FAMILY.
FORGET MY LIFE.
I throw off the covers.
Trying to submit a certain point of bravery.
Nothing is there.
Just the lion.
And it’s leaving.
“By the way..” it says.
“I’m satan” it says.
“Not bad for an introduction?” it says.
it leaves.
And I feel as though I just died.

Linkedin

I started out with 40 connections and I now have 182 due to networking and self marketing. I know I can’t rely on others to get MY dream accomplished but it would be nice for someone higher up or even on the same scale to drop some guidance. I pray and God answers in mysterious ways, but what about this way has to be mysterious? Why not a straight up answer.. go this way or don’t go it at all. If only.